If we can share our story with someone who responds with empathy and understanding, shame can’t survive.
I now see how owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we will ever do.
When you judge yourself for needing help, you judge those you are helping. When you attach value to giving help, you attach value to needing help. The danger of tying your self-worth to being a helper is feeling shame when you have to ask for help. Offering help is courageous and compassionate, but so is asking for help.
If we are going to find our way out of shame and back to each other, vulnerability is the path and courage is the light. To set down those lists of *what we’re supposed to be* is brave. To love ourselves and support each other in the process of becoming real is perhaps the greatest single act of daring greatly.
Grief seems to create losses within us that reach beyond our awareness–we feel as if we’re missing something that was invisible and unknown to us while we had it, but is now painfully gone…Longing is not conscious wanting; it’s an involuntary yearning for wholeness, for understanding, for meaning, for the opportunity to regain or even simply touch what we’ve lost.
I’ve found what makes children happy doesn’t always prepare them to be courageous, engaged adults.
What we know matters but who we are matters more.
We cannot grow when we are in shame, and we can’t use shame to change ourselves or others.
When we fail to set boundaries and hold people accountable, we feel used and mistreated. This is why we sometimes attack who they are, which is far more hurtful than addressing a behavior or a choice.
Those who have a strong sense of love and belonging have the courage to be imperfect.