The woman knows from living with the abusive man that there are no simple answers. Friends say: “He’s mean.
When we are in a wrong environment, we feel so paranoid, yet unwilling to move out. There’s no need for pussyfooting, we got to release our poisonous fluid and scream aloud, storming out of the show like a radical.
Yes, indeed, I am the stuff, the prize property, the recaptured trophy he will put up on the mantelpiece, in a rage every time I move a millimeter or look less polished, less tarted up than he thinks I should look. In a rage, every time I disappoint him. Which will happen every day.
But whether you stay or go, the critical decision you can make is to stop letting your partner distort the lens of your life, always forcing his way into the
center of the picture. You deserve to have your life be about you; you are worth it.
It is fine to commiserate with a man about his bad experience with a previous partner, but the instant he uses her as an excuse to mistreat you, stop believing anything he tells you about that relationship and instead recognize it as a sign that he has problems with relating to women.
The signs of sociopathy are usually there before we are abused; most of us just don’t know enough to recognize them
If you walked away from a
toxic, negative, abusive,
relationship or friendship
– you won.
I am done looking for love where it doesn’t exist. I am done coughing up dust in attempts to drink from dry wells.
Being a victim is supposed to set you free; it acquits you of any agency, any sense of responsibility to the person who did you harm. It’s not your fault, they say. Leave him, they say. Nobody ever tells you what to do if leaving isn’t an option.
They just call you stupid. A dumb bitch.
Sympathy is only meted out if you follow all of
society’s rules for how a victim is supposed to behave.