I remember one desolate Sunday night, wondering: Is this how Im going to spend the rest of my life? Marrid to someone who is perpetually distracted and somewhat wistful, as though a marvelous party is going on in the next room, which but for me he could be attending?
It seemed funny that one day I would go to bed in her arms and the next not feel anything, like a switch had gone off. But no, that wasn’t honest either. This had been building for a long time. Our silences were getting longer. Our arguments more frequent. How do you stay with someone when there are no dreams to build? No purpose to accomplish? No meaning? No meaning -that was the monster that drove us away from one another in the end. Always.
The actuality that the heart does not want to feel, doesn’t negate the certitude that it once felt and will still feel.
Always a trade. Always a compromise. Until there wasn’t anything left to bargain with, because neither one us had any clue what to do.
End of the Summer
It was end of the summer
And my heart was broken
but i was smiling, laughing, making jokes
Like there was nothing bleeding inside
Everything is all right,
When you’re here,
When you’re right next to me,
When my hand is in yours,
Don’t leave me,
Don’t leave me empty handed.
I haven’t been very impressed lately.
or the way someone said he loved me and then slowly changed his mind.
I thought I lost something this summer, but I just realized, I never needed it.
All her tormentings of me turned suddenly into sweetnesses, and who could torment like this exquisite fury, wondering in sudden flame why she could give herself to anyone, while I wondered only why she could give herself to me. It may be that I wondered over-much. Perhaps that was why I lost her.
Screw the daring tough guy image, what happened with us broke me.