I had a dream about you last night.
We moved into a cabin in the countryside.
I couldn’t handle the spiders.
You couldn’t handle my drama.
I moved back to the city.

A true friend doesn’t have guts; they beat you up and later plead with you to beat them back.

[When asked what he wants for his tombstone epitaph]

Since I’m an atheist, and have no belief whatsoever in life after death, I couldn’t care less — it’s not like it’ll have any impact on me, since by definition I will be completely extinguished. I guess if someone twisted my arm and forced me to provide an epitaph, it would be ‘Don’t forget.’ Sound advice…

Maggie wasn’t without her concerns, though. “What if he’s crazy?”

“Yeah, that’s a definite possibility,” he agreed.

“What if he’s not your type?”

“Then we’ll only hook up in dark places.

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