Welcome to the fascinating world of the undead! Please use this guidebook as a
handy reference as you make your first steps toward eternity. Inside you will find
information on vampire nutrition, relationships, and safety. But before learning
about your future, a word about our past…
-From The Guide for the Newly Undead

I know a lot about birds and bees, but I don’t know very much about the birds and the bees. Everything I do know I had to teach myself on the Internet, because I don’t have anyone to ask. For example, I know that you give someone a blowjob by putting your penis in their mouth.

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