The things I call crisis and all the things that were coming after me are all coming to serve the purpose of God in my life.
Scotland is a soggy sort it place, where birds and animals walk around uncooked
All Chelsea’s internet dates were gorgeous. Until she met them.
I should fancy, however, that murder is always a mistake. One should never do anything that one cannot talk about after dinner.
He was silent for a moment, staring out the window into the rain; I imagined he was contemplating the fact that his family’s presence was turning the locals into giant dogs.
Most people who are would each not be in love with their partner, if they did not have the kind of genitals they have.
Leave any problem alone for long enough and it will solve itself.
My mouth went dry as I tried to remember all of Poppie’s tips for kissing over the years. She told me no guy wanted a girl with a mouth as wide as a guppy, who sucked his tongue with the force of a Dyson vacuum cleaner first time, or licked him to death like an overeager puppy. She’d told me to just purse my lips and let him lead and take control. Don’t slobber, don’t slobber, don’t slobber, I chanted to myself as he got closer and closer
You never know what is waiting for you around the corner. You start the day with the fairest prospects, and before nightfall everything is as rocky and ding-basted as stig tossed full of doodlegammon.