My God – it’s a green child!” said the American. “What is this place – the House of Usher?
He awoke at six, as usual. He needed no alarm clock. He was already comprehensively alarmed.
Whenever He answers prayers, God usually prioritizes those by people who, instead of their mouths, have prayed with their hands and/or feet.
Does that mean that if we shave all the Ob’enn they’ll be nice?
You do not respond to a mosquito bite with a hammer.
Impartially, shrewdly, I considered suicide, though not in my worst moments. The bottle of pills. The note: ‘No hard feelings, everyone, but I’ve thought about it and it’s just not on, is it? It’s nearly on, but not quite. No? Anyway, all the best, C.
I left the warehouse at 8.00am. I don’t believe in 8.00am. It exists, though. 8.00am is incontrovertible evidence that evil dwells in the world.
Idiots emit bogons, causing machinery to malfunction in their presence. System administrators absorb bogons, letting machinery work again.
I have never much cared for flippant remarks, especially when others make them, and in particular, I don’t give a frog’s fundament for them when they come from an adult.
There was Arctic John, a businessman from Salisbury who doesn’t hold water, Bruce Knott, a social worker from Cumberland who spends his lunch hour picking his bum, and Judith Glycerine, the reformation pig.