Sometimes I think I would rather just remember it in my head, all those streets and the places I loved. The way it smelled of car exhaust and sweet fruit. The thickness of the heat. The sound of dogs barking in alleyways. That’s the Panama I want to hold on to. Because a place can do many things against you, and if it’s your home or if it was your home at one time, you still love it. That’s how it works.
The idea of always wanting to be the victim in circumstances where you have been offended is a common human trait. Each person wants to be viewed as the aggrieved party.
You know I blamed Craig for not letting me do things? You know how stupid I feel about that now? Maybe he didn’t really encourage me to do things, but he didn’t prevent me from doing them either. But after a while, I didn’t do things because I didn’t want him to think different about me. But the things is, I wasn’t being honest. So, why would I care whether or not he loved me when he didn’t really even know me?
Before making a snap judgment, ask yourself if it really is something that has hurt you or simply just made you angry at yourself for allowing it to happen. It’s amazing what ‘sleeping on it’ can do. A new day sees a new beginning.
Don’t try fixing something that is already broken in the first place.
Life goes on… with or without you.
This is a story about survival.
Letting go and learning to let in.
Getting along and moving on.
The truth about life.
The things left unsaid…
A broken and mended relationship turns out to be stronger than one that has never been broken, almost like how bones can become even stronger once broken and then healed.
How much courage does it take to fire up your tractor and plow under a crop you spent six or seven years growing?’ he asked himself. ‘How much courage to go on and do that after you’ve spent all that time finding out how to prepare the soil and when to plant and how much to water and when to reap? How much to just say, ‘I have to quit these peas, peas are no good for me, I better try corn or beans.”
‘A lot,’ he said, wiping at the corners of his eyes again. ‘A damn lot, that’s what I think.
Oh darling, how can I put my sentiments into words? (…) I left. I left, because conquered fears became people’s comfort zone. And comfort zones terrify the living hell out of me.