Do it double, because some can’t do it at all.
So many nights, I stared out at the inky black ocean, believing that if I could only learn how to eat again and keep my hands out of my throat, that would be enough. I prayed hard and desperately to God and the sun and the moon and the ocean and the universe and every shelter dog I’d ever met, as if they were all genies, that I wouldn’t ask for anything more.
But perhaps God isn’t a collection of genies, and perhaps it’s okay to hope for more than relief. To hope big. To hope for Sunny’s limitless capacity to love.
Wounded parents often unintentionally inflict pain and suffering on their children and these childhood wounds causes a laundry list of maladaptive behaviors commonly called codependency. These habits restrict people to love-limiting relationships causing much unhappiness and distress.
So ask me if I am alright.
‘I’m fine; I’m always fine.’
You see this look in my eyes.
‘No, I’m fine. I am always fine.’
There is a corpse behind my smile.
‘Listen, I am fine. Always, always fine as fine can be.’
‘Are you okay?’
‘I am more than okay. I am more than fine. I am wonderful!
Never has nostalgia held stronger sway; never has the belief in the redemptive possibilities of the future seemed so laughable.
Never focus on the end. Only focus on your first step.
It was painful to contemplate the distance between the future of accomplishment I’d imagined for myself twenty years earlier…it was painful to understand that the cushion of exceptionality invoked by the drug had made me oblivious to my inertia. And it was painful to have to define myself again, at an age when most people are happy in their own skins.
Don’t ever forget you are beautiful, although your life, your past and your present situation may be ugly. You are beautiful.
That was the crux. You. Only you could work on you. Nobody could force you, and if you weren’t ready, then you weren’t ready, and no amount of open-armed encouragement was going to change that.
Alcoholism or addiction is a disease because it fits the definition of disease. It is progressive and chronic, and left untreated, it will kill.