When you’re in an extreme situation you tend to avoid facing it by getting caught up in little details. Like a guy who’s decided to commit suicide and boards a train only to become obsessed with whether he remembered to lock the door when he left home.
NOTE TO SELF – BOOMERANG EFFECT
My words, thoughts and deeds have
a boomerang effect.
So be-careful what you send out!
Mind led body
to the edge of the precipice.
They stared in desire
at the naked abyss.
If you love me, said mind,
take that step into silence.
If you love me, said body,
turn and exist.
As long as you’re alive, there’s always a chance things will get better.
She’d sworn she wouldn’t end up like her little brother, but loneliness didn’t arrive with flashing bulbs and a warning label. The descent was as simple and complex as a faked smile, white lies about being “okay,
I personally don’t think about jumping because things can’t possibly get worse… To the contrary, I contemplate it because I believe things probably will.
The debate was wearing me out. Once you’ve posed that question, it won’t go away. I think many people kill themselves simply to stop the debate about whether they will or they won’t. Anything I thought or did was immediately drawn into the debate. Made a stupid remark-why not kill myself? Missed the bus-better put an end to it all. Even the good got in there. I liked that movie-maybe I shouldn’t kill myself.
[about suicide] And why is it the biggest sin of all? All your life you’re told that you’ll be going to this marvellous place when you pass on. And the one thing you can do to get you there a bit quicker is something that stops you getting there at all. Oh, I can see that it’s a kind of queuejumping. But if someone jumps the queue at the Post Office, people tut. Or sometimes they say, “Excuse me, I was here first.
It’s a wonder I’m even alive. Sometimes I think that. I think that I can’t believe I haven’t killed myself. But there’s something in me that just keeps going on. I think it has something to do with tomorrow, that there always is one, and that everything can change when it comes.
That sounds weird: “kill yourself.” It makes it sound like you tried to murder someone, only that someone is you.